I have been a postpartum doula in Spokane for 5 years. During this time, I have cooked, cleaned,  sorted toys and put together puzzles. Sometimes I read books or play with older siblings. I’ve helped with baths and taught families sleep techniques. Feeding difficulties get solved. I have snuggled happy babies and walked the floors with fussy babies. However, the most important part of my job, is to listen. Here’s what I have learned.

Often times, when I am called, families are at their wits end. Exhausted, overwhelmed and anxious. They were told that childbirth was the hardest thing they would experience and they were not prepared for what would come next. Families are bombarded with an insane amount of conflicting newborn care advice and they don’t know which advice they should listen to. Then someone recommends a postpartum doula. They aren’t even sure what this is but their blurry eyes somehow make out my telephone number and I become their lifeline.

Newborn Difficulties in Depth

There are 4 main causes of of this overwhelm and anxiety. Let’s take a minute and explore what they are and what can be done about it.

All the Advice

Number one is the massive amounts of advice that is given. All new parents want to raise their babies in the best way possible. They want to do everything “right.” When they are given advice that conflicts with their intuition and/or other advice they have been given, they don’t know what to do. Most new mothers will intuitively know what their baby needs and if they don’t spend too much time thinking about it, will naturally do it. I am a big fan of instinctual parenting. Sure you may have the occasional question about something that’s not coming naturally but 85 percent of parenting you can throw out the books and the experts and go with your gut. We help families gain confidence in their parenting abilities.

Feeding

The next cause is feeding difficulties. Whether we are discussing breast or bottle, feeding can be a huge source of anxiety. Is my baby getting enough to eat? Too much? If I feed my baby more, will they

sleep more? Baby is crying, but just ate, maybe I should feed again? Is my baby latching correctly? My breast hurt. My baby is a very sloppy eater and makes a lot of noise. Our team of Spokane postpartum doulas are incredibly experienced with infant feeding. We can help you sort it all out, answer your questions and put your mind at ease. We also have a lot of resources to refer to such as La Leche League and the Mama Nook Breastfeeding Support Group. If there is an oral anatomy issue, we can point you in the right direction with a referral.

Sleep

This one might be the biggest problem for some households. Their baby isn’t sleeping so nobody is sleeping. One might ask, what do we even do about a non sleeping baby? The answer is so many things. When we arrive at a house of exhausted parents with a non sleeping, possibly screaming newborn; we make an assessment of the entire picture. It includes not only what is the current sleeping arrangement but very in depth, what does a typical day look like? We ask questions about feeding and sleeping arrangements. After that, we look at what the parents ultimate goals are. Then we make a plan to get there. Sometimes this includes making a variety of changes. Sometimes it includes a nighttime postpartum doula. Nighttime postpartum doulas are bringers of sleep and our clients have referred to us as, “angels.”

Isolation

Have you ever heard the saying, “it takes a village to raise a child?” This is true but not for the reason most of us think it is. It used to be that a baby would be born and the new mother would be surrounded with the love of her village. They would bring her meals, help around the house, run errands and sometimes stay with the new family to help with the baby. She would be cocooned in a support system that left her feeling cherished and all of her needs met.

Now, our babies are born and we go home and are thrown right back into life. We clean houses, cook, grocery shop, take care of our older children and some of us return to work right away. Life is harder than it used to be because we are doing all the things we used to do but with a new baby and less sleep. Its harder for us to socialize with our new baby. Dragging all the baby gear and baby out is a hassle and people don’t want to sit around our quiet house or worse our house with the screaming baby. We sit alone in our house with our baby and older children and feel stressed out because we aren’t getting enough done every day.

This is hard. So hard. In my opinion, it’s the hardest part. I remember when my husband would get home from work, I would be torn between handing him the kids and going for a walking and talking non stop about anything and everything that came to mind because I hadn’t had another soul to talk to for what felt like an eternity.

This is one of the biggest needs a postpartum doula fills. She is the loving support. Preparing yummy, nutritious meals and tidying the house is a bonus. New mother take a showers or a naps, while she makes sure the rest of the house is handled. She helps with older siblings but really she is the emotional support that women are missing in our current life-style. Someone who is consistently there and listens.

What’s the Take Away?

Having a newborn is hard but there are things you can do to make it easier! Trust your instincts. Reach out when you need help, whether its calling a friend or hiring a postpartum doula. Go to a mom meet-up or a support group.