Just over 21 years ago, I had my first baby. His birth story has stayed with me and probably will for the rest of my life. What happens during birth is so impactful it will never leave you. I woke up at 4:46am with the most intense cramp I had ever felt in my life. The numbers on the clock at that moment will be burned into my brain forever. I got out of bed and decided I was constipated. This had been a struggle for most of my third trimester. I decided to have bowl of bran. Later, I might regret this at least a little.
As I got up to go eat it, I experienced another cramp. While pouring the cereal, another. While eating it, another. Women who have had babies before, are now laughing at my inexperience. Finally, I decided to try and go to the bathroom. As I was sitting on the toilet, it suddenly dawned on me that I was in labor. About damned time, right?
I timed a few of my “cramps.” They were every 5 minutes. This was nothing like they said it would be in Lamaze. They told me it would start slow and contractions would increase to 5 minutes apart. When they became 5 minutes apart, I should think about heading to the hospital. If they were 5 minutes apart to start, they wouldn’t be intense and I should wait until they were. They said first labors were long. Stay home as long as possible. They never mentioned that sometimes they aren’t long and sometimes you don’t get a warm up.
In the car, I was now timing every 3 minutes and sometimes closer. I knew things were getting close. I walked into the emergency room, because that’s what you did back then, and let the nurse know I was in labor. She told me because I was a first time mom and had never experienced labor, I was probably not in labor. It was probably braxton hicks. She decided not to even send me to labor and delivery because she could check me there and send me home without admitting me. You should have heard her shock when she announced that I was 9 cm.
We rushed to the labor and delivery floor. My doctor came in and said he was surprised at how fast I was progressing but as a first time mom, I should plan to be in labor several more hours and he was gonna go grab breakfast. It was around 9 am at this time.
About 5 minutes later, I was pushing. I couldn’t stop pushing. There was nothing in the world that could have stopped my body from pushing. Right about now, my nurse said, “I can’t find your doctor. You need to stop pushing because it’s a lot of extra paper work if I have to delivery the baby without him.”
Let’s just let that sink in for a minute. My birth could potentially create extra paperwork and during one of the most intense moments of my entire life, this was supposed to be a priority of mine? I could feel bad for telling her to get out. I could try to convince myself that she was only doing her job. I could chalk it up to a bad day. There are so many excuses I could make for those words becoming a part of my birth story but the truth of the matter is, it was unacceptable.
I have now been a doula for 9 years. Amazing things have happened in our birth climate. VBAC bans have been lifted. Hospital midwives have gotten VBAC privileges and a hospital birth center was created. Every day I am excited by the new options for families in our area.
With all these changes, I thought for sure statements like that were in our history. Then at a recent birth, I heard, “Your midwife is on her way. Please don’t push yet because its a lot of paperwork if I catch the baby without her.” I am saddened that nurses are in a position where they feel like it’s bad if they have to deliver a baby. I am frustrated that sentence is part of other birth stories. Can we please stop prioritizing paperwork during birth. Your paperwork is really not the problem of someone who is actively laboring and has no place in a birth story.
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